1 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,760 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,552 3 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,636 4 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,598 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,274 6 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,551 is a mystery 7 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,554 and the tides of the sea 8 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,430 that's driving me berserk: 9 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,353 10 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,318 11 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,312 12 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:40,950 la-la la-la la... 13 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,350 What's up with you, Rodney? 14 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:48,511 I'm a bit nervous, that's all 15 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,559 I mean, this bloke we're gonna see, this Justin. 16 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:55,509 He's not going to ask me about my private life, is he? 17 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,240 Of course he ain't. Well, not that private. 18 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,110 He won't want to know about you and Cassandra's little problems. 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,954 No, no. Good. "Cause otherwise I... 20 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:10,630 What problems? Me and Cassandra haven't got any problems. 21 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,837 That's not what you said to me. 22 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,914 So there's been one or two minor hiccups 23 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,912 in the bedroom department, 24 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,833 but they're personal and I told you in confidence. 25 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,479 AlL right. 26 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:28,238 I'm not going to be telling him about your thongs and things. 27 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,510 I won't say what Cassandra wears either. 28 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,270 Sorry to keep you. It's been a particularly busy morning. 29 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:41,320 I've got all the basic details about your business career, 30 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,279 but I'd like to get an insight into the real you. 31 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:48,039 How you started, how you became so successful, 32 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,910 but more importantly, your lives and your "raison d'étre". 33 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,959 Oh, yeah. "Laboratory Garny." 34 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,671 So, in your own words and in your own time. 35 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,596 Well, where shall I start, Justin? 36 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,114 Well, up to a few years ago, 37 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,318 we were just very ordinary people 38 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,838 living very ordinary lives. Weren't we, Rodney? 39 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,313 Mmm. 40 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,357 And then, as you know, 41 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:48,196 one day I discovered an historic and almost priceless artefact. 42 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,795 At first we didn't know what to do with it. 43 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,280 That's right. 44 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,115 We thought about donating it to the British Museum. 45 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,510 Yeah. And then we decided to flog it. 46 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,353 So before you know it, 47 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,272 Rodders and me have come into 48 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,479 nigh on six and a half million quid. 49 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,520 Well, after we divvied the dosh up — 50 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,150 making sure our Uncle Albert got a nice little drink. 51 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,477 But we thought of others first. 52 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,270 We donated to charity — 53 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,751 anonymously, of course. 54 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,832 So, eventually, we had to start thinking about our future. 55 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:41,757 So we sought out this City stockbroker and he advised us 56 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,117 to invest in a new and vibrant venture. 57 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,191 The Central American market. 58 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,829 It was attracting massive funds. 59 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,469 We were making more money than the Royal Mint. 60 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,153 But we weren't flash. 61 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,789 Oh, no, no. We weren't flash. 62 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,310 When we went away on business, we took the family with us. 63 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,949 There would be me and Raquel — 64 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,839 my significant other — and, of course... 65 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,637 — Rodney, Cassandra. - Cheers. 66 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,151 And not forgetting my young son Damien. 67 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,591 He's a lad, in't he, eh? 68 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,634 69 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,950 70 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,555 71 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,314 72 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,834 73 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,435 74 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,194 75 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,874 76 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,596 Oh, Mr Trotter. 77 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,592 It's good to see you again. 78 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,271 Shower cap, Dominique. 79 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,953 Shower cap. 80 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,199 Del, you've got to have a word with Damien. 81 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,876 — People are complaining. - Oh, no. What's he done now? 82 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,031 He's weed in the swimming pool. 83 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,393 Leave it out, Cassandra. 84 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,313 All little boys do a Johnny Cash in the pool. 85 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:26,235 Yes, but not from the top of the four—metre diving board. 86 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,998 The little git. 87 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,553 All right! 88 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,189 89 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,715 90 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,713 91 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,190 92 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,279 Well, this is the bizzo, ain't it, Rodders? 93 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,238 It's not too bad, is it? 94 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,755 Old Uncle Albert would love it here, eh? 95 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,117 Yeah. Mind you, bet your life he's been here before! 96 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,639 He's happy down on the coast, right next door to the sea. 97 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,872 And he's living in sin with old Elsie Partridge — 98 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,838 his "girlfriend". 99 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,879 His girlfriend! Do me a favour! 100 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,874 I heard she cut the ribbon on the opening of Stonehenge! 101 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,155 At least we don't get the Battle of the Baltic every night. 102 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,075 - "During the war..." - "During the war..." 103 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,354 Come on, Rodders. I feel lucky tonight. 104 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,238 Del, I can't, mate. 105 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,711 - What? — I promised Cassandra. 106 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,599 No gambling, no discos, 107 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,831 no talking to women and no boozing. 108 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,190 Yeah. What she meant was not to excess. 109 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,637 You're not on probation, are you? 110 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,995 I'll treat us to a few bottles of champagne to get us started. 111 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,512 - "During the war..." - "During the war..." 112 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,320 "I was aboard this battle cruiser..." 113 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:08,156 And then, just as everything seemed to be going so well... 114 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,436 115 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,796 116 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,236 117 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,152 Something... 118 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,477 something terrible happened. 119 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,675 Chateauneuf du Pape! 120 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,751 Negotiations between the Central American countries 121 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,672 had collapsed. 122 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,309 We was wiped out. Nicht a coin. 123 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,871 We'd even paid for the hotel on a credit card — 124 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,714 a credit card which had now been withdrawn. 125 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:53,919 But Derek is, if nothing else, a very creative businessman, 126 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,038 and he came up with a solution to our dilemma. 127 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,192 (MUSIC: "LA VIDA LOCA") 128 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,238 Monsieur Trotter! Your bill! 129 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,711 Right. It's time to go. 130 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,552 Follow me, gentlemen. 131 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,636 How long did it take the news to hit the UK? 132 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,792 As long as it took to push a button on the Internet. 133 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,918 Suddenly, all our "business associates" 134 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,798 wouldn't return our calls. 135 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,110 We were in the financial wilderness. 136 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,999 Fortunately, we come from a strong community, 137 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,073 and when our old friends from Peckham heard the news 138 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,631 they was as gutted as us. Weren't they? 139 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,278 (SNIGGERING) 140 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,793 There's a name that crops up every now and then. 141 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,951 Michael Fisher. 142 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,750 Landlord of a public house — the Nag's Head, Peckham. 143 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,309 What part did he play in the proceedings? 144 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,711 Well, Mike invested his life savings in our venture. 145 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,598 He remortgaged the pub. 146 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,717 Will Mr Fisher give evidence? 147 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,553 No. He's in prison. 148 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,878 He's awaiting trial. 149 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:30,356 The Fraud Squad claims that he tried to recoup his losses 150 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,511 by embezzling the brewery. 151 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,629 Never was a man more innocent. 152 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,077 I take it Mr Fisher will be pleading not guilty? 153 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,356 No. He confessed to everything. 154 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,153 For Gawd's sake, sit down! You're wearing the marble out! 155 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,711 I can't help it! I've never been a character witness before. 156 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,632 And you think we have? 157 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,599 I'm worried. Del's made a terrible mistake. 158 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,994 Of course he's made a terrible mistake. 159 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,878 That's why he's in court. 160 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,112 No. I mean having you four as character witnesses. 161 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,920 It's like inviting the Manson Family to dinner. 162 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,232 I saw Del and Rodney earlier. They seemed confident. 163 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:25,075 They've arranged to meet Raquel and Cassandra to celebrate, 164 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,356 so I'd avoid Pizza Hut if I were you! 165 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,596 Del was not confident. He was deeply worried. 166 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,671 He didn't even touch me up. 167 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,598 — I've got most to worry about. - why? 168 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,991 I'm managing the Nag's Head till Mike is released. 169 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,549 But how exactly do I know what he got up to? 170 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:51,395 Yeah. How does Sid know Mike didn't post—date his fiddles 171 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,471 so the police think they're Sid's? 172 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,711 There's nothing to be nervous about. 173 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,951 All you've got to do is tell the truth. 174 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,509 Trig, if I go in there and tell the truth, 175 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:03,069 Del and Rodney will spend the next five years 176 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,198 sharpening Jeffrey Archer's pencils. 177 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,917 What are you going to do, Trig? 178 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,390 I'm gonna tell "em I hear voices. 179 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,635 Trig, you're not on trial, you're a character witness. 180 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,997 I know, but I hear voices. 181 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:24,430 Oh, Gawd, it's gonna be one of them days. 182 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,431 I notice that your properties were company owned, 183 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,114 — so you both lost your homes? - Yes. 184 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,351 I had a lovely place on the river. 185 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:37,070 well, I had an estate with peacocks and everything. 186 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,594 Anyway, at least we weren't homeless. 187 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,355 Due to my foresight some years previously, 188 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,115 I had bought another property. So we had somewhere to live. 189 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,750 Yeah. It's called our old flat, Nelson Mandela House! 190 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,993 That just goes to show how our fortunes altered. 191 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,118 — Suddenly, everything changed. - Yeah. 192 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,430 All our good luck turned to bad. 193 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,956 Every day there was more rows, there was more bad news. 194 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,438 We thought things couldn't possibly get worse. 195 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,750 Boy, how wrong we were. 196 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,794 (AUDIENCE CHEER) 197 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,194 Good evening. 198 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,318 Welcome to the quiz show everyone is talking about. 199 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,551 This is the fastest game show on TV. 200 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,870 This is Monday, this is Jonathan Ross, 201 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,031 and this is Goldrush! 202 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,477 It's no good looking at me with that Anne Robinson face. 203 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,716 I'll look at you any way I like. 204 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,033 At least I am trying to do something about it. 205 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,237 What exactly are you doing? 206 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,392 - I'm after a stockbroker. — You've got a stockbroker. 207 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,437 That's the one I'm after! 208 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,357 why didn't he tell me the market was going to crash? 209 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,750 He phoned you at least six times. 210 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,070 He said he had to speak to you urgently, 211 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,151 but you were too busy. 212 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,152 well, I was water skiing. 213 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,118 You wasted our birthright! 214 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,749 And then Trotter's Independent Traders 215 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,038 hired a helicopter to fly to Nice to collect magazines. 216 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,634 Unbelievable! 217 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,959 That was you! 218 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:23,960 Oh, yeah. 219 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,476 well, I'm a big man. I've got broad shoulders. 220 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,917 The buck stops here. I take full responsibility. 221 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,469 Even though it was Rodney's fault. 222 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,154 Me?! How the hell was it my fault? 223 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,312 You were the company's Director of Administration. 224 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,994 That meant organising the Christmas parties. 225 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,676 They were about as exciting as a Buddhist hen night. 226 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,279 You were the Managing Director, the Chairman, 227 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,795 the Chief Executive and the President. 228 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,439 It's my fault, is it?! 229 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,434 Either you or this is the Chinese Year of the Dodo! 230 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,789 Wait a minute. You can't lay all the blame at Derek's door. 231 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,394 I know it's tempting. 232 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,312 why is it that whenever we've got something good going, 233 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,871 anything that remotely resembles a future, he nauses it up? 234 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,953 — That's just the way he is. - Thank you. 235 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,518 It's unfair of you to blame Rodney. He is your brother. 236 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,036 Yes, and like a brother, he's let me down all his life. 237 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,033 Is that right? 238 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,080 If I'm such a let—down, why did you insist on having me around? 239 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,991 To keep my promise to Mum. 240 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,758 And you never know when you might need some bone marrow. 241 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,991 (PHONE RINGS) 242 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,796 Cassandra, answer that phone, please. 243 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,792 Yes, sir. Straight away, sir. 244 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,520 This time next year, we'll be millionaires. 245 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,638 This time last week, we were millionaires! 246 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,115 Sorry. I can't hear you very well 247 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,191 Go in the kitchen, then! 248 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,273 Don't worry. I've worked it all out. I'm serious. 249 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,991 I've worked out a way to make a hundred thousand pounds. 250 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,198 - Invest that wisely... - Invest that wisely! 251 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,920 Invest it wisely, and before you know it, 252 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,435 you and I can buy a nice little gaff each. 253 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,355 All right. Go on, then. What's the plan? 254 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,876 I wasn't going to say anything, but... OK. You ready? 255 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,839 I'm going to apply to go on that new game show, the Goldrush. 256 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,398 Did I say something amusing? 257 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,477 Last night one of the questions was 258 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,554 who introduced the potato to England? You said King Edward! 259 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,710 I didn't hear the question properly. 260 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,673 Look, Del, if you want to appear on the telly, 261 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,751 try for something more simple. 262 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,673 Like go on Stars in their Eyes as Barry White! 263 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,518 Del. Del! 264 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,953 — It's Elsie Partridge's son. — What's he want? 265 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,794 It's Uncle Albert. I'm sorry. 266 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,794 I'm so sorry. 267 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,191 (SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) 268 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,595 Right. Are we ready? 269 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,590 — Shall I bring the wreath? — Wait till the hearse arrives. 270 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,149 Yeah. All right. Come on. 271 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,079 Hello. We're Albert's nephews. 272 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,753 Derek and Rodney Trotter from Peckham. 273 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,992 Hello. I'm Marion. I did a bit of cleaning for Albert. 274 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,237 Lovely old man. 275 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,673 Went on a bit. 276 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,751 Excuse me. Excuse me. 277 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,192 This is Cassandra, that's Rodney's wife. 278 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,920 This is Damien. This is my son. 279 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,513 This is Raquel. She's my significant other. 280 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,232 Nice to meet you all Please come in and have a drink. 281 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,754 Thank you. 282 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,834 Thank you. 283 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,678 Damien, put it back. 284 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,951 I feel bad, you know, about leaving him here on his own 285 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,031 while we was off globe—trotting. 286 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,430 He wasn't on his own. He was with Elsie. 287 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,752 But Elsie was in that rest home for the last six months. 288 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,877 But he had her family around him. 289 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,111 Yeah. He was having a good time. 290 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,873 Yeah, I know. 291 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,793 It's just I wish we'd taken him with us 292 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,554 when we went to Barbados and other places. 293 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,313 well, we did ask. 294 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,915 But if you remember, the Ancient Mariner, 295 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,311 who'd been round the world more times than a satellite, 296 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,551 never had a passport. 297 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,631 Good job Hitler didn't find that out. 298 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,076 Albert would have been in right trouble. 299 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,034 Hey, Rodney. 300 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:49,790 The old sod. He only had his own monogrammed brandy glass. 301 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,076 He loved his cognac, didn't he? 302 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,756 "Just to keep the old colds at bay." Eh? Remember? 303 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,231 Pardon me. I'm Roland. I was married to Albert's niece. 304 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,232 Oh. This is my brother Rodney. 305 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,518 — Rodney. — Cassandra, come and say hello. 306 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,830 This is Cassandra, Rodney's wife. 307 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,514 - Hello. — And Damien. My son Damien. 308 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,672 — And this is... — Raquel. 309 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,434 And this is Derek, my significant other. 310 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,278 Nice to meet you all 311 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,839 well, I suppose we'll all miss him in our way. 312 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,355 Yeah. We're missing him already. 313 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,110 I tell you one thing we won't miss. 314 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,796 All those bloody wartime sagas. Ooh. 315 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,594 Actually, Roland, we used to love hearing about his past. 316 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,115 That's right. Couldn't get enough of it. 317 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,920 Yeah, but he did go on, didn't he? 318 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,390 He never bloody stopped. 319 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:51,240 Yeah. Well, you'd have to blame me for that one, Roland. 320 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,080 You see, I used to love them stories. 321 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:58,279 I loved them so much that when he said, "Germany surrendered", 322 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,114 I'd say, "Tell us about when war was declared", 323 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,318 and he'd start all over again and go right through it. 324 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,835 We'd stay up all night, wouldn't we? 325 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,719 More fool you. I used to tell him straight, 326 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,837 "Oi. Knock off the John Wayne stuff. 327 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,514 "You'd think you'd won the war by yourself!" 328 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,591 well, in many ways, that's true. 329 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,196 Everyone involved was fighting their own individual war. 330 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,117 Yes. And you've got to remember 331 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,910 that a lot of blokes lost their lives for our liberty, 332 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,072 so that 50 years later, prats like you 333 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,631 would have the freedom to knock "em. All right?! 334 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,191 — Take it easy, Del. — Have they got a garden here? 335 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:41,274 You and I ought to go outside and have a more detailed chat. 336 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,751 - Del, that's enough, mate. — Go on, Dad. Deck him! 337 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,596 - I didn't mean to upset anyone. — Calm down. 338 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,320 - All right. — The hearse is on its way. 339 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,590 I'll go and get the wreath. You just... 340 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,512 All right, Rodney. 341 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,997 Have you calmed down? 342 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,714 Yes, yes, it's all right, sweetheart. 343 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,038 I'll tell you another thing. 344 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,272 None of the others have bothered to turn up, have they? 345 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,670 Boycie, Marlene, Denzil, Trigger. 346 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,595 "Don't worry, Del Boy, we'll be there. Pay our last respects." 347 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,751 Well, where are they? 348 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,754 You'd think Sid would put in an appearance. He was in the war. 349 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,231 No. He's in that pub making too much money. 350 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,152 Well, maybe they had problems. It is a bit of a journey. 351 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,995 Good old Mike would have made more of an effort to get here 352 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,152 — and he's in the nick! — Come on, you, outside. 353 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,913 AlL right. 354 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,355 I'm sorry again. I really didn't mean to offend anybody. 355 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,080 It's OK. Emotions are running a bit high. 356 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,153 I bet Bunny's up there having a right laugh at us. 357 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,277 I bet he is. 358 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,280 Bunny? 359 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,671 - Yeah. Albert. - Why do you call him Bunny? 360 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,754 That's what they called him in the RAF. His surname was Warren. 361 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:15,830 (ORGAN MUSIC: TOCCATA AND FUGUE) 362 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,670 Is that a Spitfire, Dad? 363 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,516 We're at the wrong funeral. 364 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,038 Yes. 365 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,110 You have my deepest sympathy, 366 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,999 but I must bring you back to the matter in hand. 367 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,674 Are there any mitigating circumstances 368 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,911 you'd like me to tell the court? 369 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:55,790 Yes. Remember to tell them that we were slaves to detail 370 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,758 — Weren't we? — Absolutely. 371 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,550 We always got our cheques off to the Inland Revenue on time. 372 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,074 Always. 373 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,072 Be upstanding. 374 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,469 The Inland Revenue versus Trotter's Independent Traders. 375 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:14,873 Fair do's, they bounced, but they was always on time. 376 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,839 I don't believe it. Where does he get this crap? 377 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,477 I thought they were gonna bang you up. 378 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,517 Well, you was wrong, Rat Boy. 379 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,513 I was exonerated of all responsibility. 380 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,149 - So you both got off? — Not quite. 381 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,557 I'll get you a cup of tea. 382 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,189 No. I need something stronger than tea. 383 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:46,716 — What happened, Dad? — They declared me bankrupt. 384 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,271 — Are you going to prison? — No! well, not yet. 385 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,113 why does he go on about prison? 386 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,920 His mates' dads are doing time. He feels left out. 387 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,991 Damien, go and tidy your room. 388 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,470 — I tidied it already. — Tidy it again. 389 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,593 So what exactly does it mean? 390 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:09,834 It means that the Inland Revenue give you a year to pay off your debt. 391 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,436 Then they come and take all your goods — anything of value. 392 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,193 So it won't affect us. 393 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,633 We have got something of value. You're sitting in it. This flat. 394 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,838 Our home. They'll steal the roof from over our heads. 395 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,311 You take it from me, that is not going to happen, Derek. 396 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,471 Have you got an idea, Rodney? 397 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:33,395 It's been on the market for five years and no one's looked at it! 398 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,313 That's because I had it up for its true value. 399 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,472 They'll auction it for a third of its price. 400 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,631 What we gonna do? 401 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,872 You could always look for a job. 402 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,671 Trigger said they're recruiting down at his depot. 403 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,549 The pay's not too bad. I know it's road sweeping, but... 404 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,992 She's right, Del. 405 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,274 I suppose so. 406 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,716 I'll help you fill in your application. 407 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,879 Me? 408 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,192 You can't expect Del to go out sweeping the roads. 409 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,876 Not at his age. I was talking about you. 410 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,872 - Me?! — Oh, come on. 411 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,475 Can you see Rodney pushing a broom around? 412 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,950 It's all right. They give training. 413 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:25,151 So how much do you actually owe the taxman? 414 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,358 48,750. 415 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,318 — Four. — What? 416 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,438 48,754, 417 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,113 — Four. - Plus interest. 418 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:39,270 Oh, well. I never really liked this place anyway. 419 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,637 Look what you've done now! 420 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:44,999 You've upset her. 421 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,151 What, by adding four quid? 422 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,551 No, it was dopey there talking about interest. 423 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,472 - It's got her worried. — Oh! 424 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,314 I don't want to talk to you. I'm having a shower. 425 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,471 Don't use all the hot water. 426 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,311 It's all right, sweetheart, come on. 427 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,471 we'll soon be back on our feet. 428 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:10,430 How? You owe nearly £49,000 plus interest! 429 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,638 It's not a very good start, I must admit. 430 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,829 Let me do that. Go on. You get some plates out. 431 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,595 It's gonna be all right. I worked it out. 432 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,230 I'm a trader, ain't I? I've been trading since I was 12. 433 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,755 I could sell rice to the Chinese. 434 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,196 I'm gonna go back to trading. I'm gonna work for a local firm. 435 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,033 Yeah? Like who? 436 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,316 Trotter's Independent Traders. 437 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,118 What are you talking about? The firm's been liquidised 438 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,794 or liquidated or whatever the word is. 439 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,236 No, no. The firm can go on trading, 440 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,869 but I've been disqualified from running it. 441 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,634 That doesn't mean to say I can't work for it. 442 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,997 All we need is a new managing director. 443 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,595 Oh, God. I actually got excited then. 444 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,478 Who is going to be stupid enough 445 00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,995 to take over Trotter's Independent Traders? 446 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,796 Rodders, get it down your neck. 447 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,314 Cheers, mate. 448 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,120 I don't know what we're going to do, Rodney. 449 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:13,714 No. Me neither. 450 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,589 Here I am, disqualified from running me own company. 451 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,991 If I take out a loan, the taxman will nick me 452 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,391 and if I work in cash, Customs and Excise will nick me. 453 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,190 My credit rating is so low, I can't even pay with money. 454 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:35,033 If only there was some way in which we could carry on trading. 455 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:37,919 Yeah. 456 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,279 It's no use you trying to cheer me up, Rodney. 457 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,073 I'm afraid the company's finished. It's gone. 458 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,232 Trotter's Independent Traders is no more. 459 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,871 It's kaput. It's dead. Dead as the emu. 460 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,831 Well, that's not strictly true. 461 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,594 I mean, the company can still operate, 462 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,639 it's just that I'm banned from running it. 463 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,233 I know. 464 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,717 If only there was someone who could take over the firm. 465 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,269 Someone young and enthusiastic. 466 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,353 Someone full of enthusiasm and ideas. 467 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,114 Eh? I wonder who. 468 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:36,437 Young and energetic, with ideas and enthusiasm. 469 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,913 - Hang on a minute. - You've thought of someone. 470 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,994 No. He emigrated, didn't he? 471 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,998 (QUIETLY) "He emigrated, didn't he?" What a wally. 472 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,471 Honestly, I don't believe him sometimes. 473 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,477 — There might be one person. - Whom? 474 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,160 Me. 475 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,796 You? How do you mean, Rodney? 476 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,112 Look, look. You've been made bankrupt, right, 477 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:16,717 and are therefore not allowed to run a company, right? I haven't. 478 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,994 No. You got me all confused now. 479 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,633 Let me explain in simple terms, right? 480 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,316 Legally, there is nothing to stop me 481 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,472 taking over Trotter's Independent Traders. 482 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,553 Let me see if I've got this right. 483 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:39,111 What you're saying is that you could run the firm. 484 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,032 By George, I think he's got it! 485 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,476 That is a brilliant idea, Rodney! 486 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,837 "Argent compatant" as they say in Cannes! 487 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,231 Tell you what we'll do. we'll see our Lawyer tomorrow, 488 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,280 go to Companies House and make you the new Managing Director. 489 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,193 Rodney Trotter. Hey, Raquel, guess what? 490 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,352 Rodney has had a brilliant idea to save the family. 491 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,830 He's going to be the Managing Director 492 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,957 of Trotter's Independent Traders. 493 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:09,159 I'll just be in charge of sales, purchasing and finance. 494 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,711 Congratulations. I'm surprised you didn't think of that, Del. 495 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,757 That's just what I was thinking. 496 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,399 (SCREAMING) 497 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,276 Damien, get away from that keyhole! 498 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,518 He's a lad, in't he? 499 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,796 The world's full of surprises, innit? 500 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,713 Look at that. Mickey Pearce has learnt to read. 501 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,160 "Trotter's Independent Traders now under new management. 502 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,073 "Managing Director, Rodney Trotter." 503 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:48,629 You seen this? Rodney Trotter's a managing director. 504 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,838 Yeah. And Cliff Richard's on 40 Silk Cut a day. 505 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,153 No, it's true. Look. 506 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,834 "Consultancy and party planning." 507 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,311 Remember their last do? Depressing, weren't it? 508 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:03,914 Albert's funeral? 509 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,549 No. I'm talking about Rodney's wedding. 510 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,749 I'm gonna give him a call. Wind him up. 511 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,070 Leave him alone. He's doing his best. 512 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:18,313 They've had a setback, losing their money and being bankrupt. 513 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,438 It would be a rather insensitive act, Mickey. 514 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,069 Yeah. I suppose you're right. 515 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,799 Use my phone. 516 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,509 We're going out to celebrate Dad's new job with Uncle Rodney. 517 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,275 Get ready and go to Wesley's flat. we'll collect you later. 518 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,717 (JAMAICAN ACCENT) Don't fuzz me, bitch. Me gun is hungry. 519 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,429 Oi, oi, oi! If you don't stop listening to that gangsta rap, 520 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,230 I'm going to give you a rap. Now go and get yourself ready. 521 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:54,354 - Honky. — Rat Boy. 522 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,955 - Honky, honky, honky! — Get out of here! 523 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:00,759 Ready, Rodney? 524 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:02,991 I'm waiting for Cass. She's getting... 525 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,117 Come on, hurry up, darling. 526 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,032 dressed. 527 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:14,594 Very nice. 528 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,797 I don't believe you did that. 529 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,156 We're not even going out with you. 530 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,119 - Why not? — We're going out on our own. 531 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,078 Cassandra suggested it. 532 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,835 I think me becoming Managing Director has made a difference. 533 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,719 They say that power is an aphrodisiac. 534 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,269 Yeah. Well, I must say, she's bubbling. 535 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,279 Yeah, well. 536 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,631 I'm taking her out to a club. 537 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,394 First thing we did when we met was dance, 538 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,074 so I thought it might rekindle old memories. 539 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,038 No. Take her out to dinner. 540 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:51,194 There's a nice new place opened down Jomo Kenyatta Grove. 541 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,318 — She'll love it. - No. You don't understand. 542 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,590 Dancing is the human form of the mating ritual, innit? 543 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,798 Yeah, I know...if you are a good dancer. 544 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,591 - I am a good dancer. - You're not a good dancer. 545 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,912 I saw you dancing in that disco in Monte Carlo. 546 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,230 Like Billy Elliot with worms. 547 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:19,198 Mind you, if what I've seen in there is anything to go by, 548 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,033 you're on a winner tonight. 549 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,431 Will you stop talking about my wife and her...? Really? 550 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,237 G-string? More like dental floss. 551 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,197 (DOORBELL RINGS) 552 00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,069 — Evening, Del. - Hello, Trig. Come in. 553 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,111 I'll just go and jolly Raquel up. 554 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:50,035 Raquel, hurry up! I'll have to have another shave in a minute! 555 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,751 All right, Dave? 556 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,032 I'm fine, thank you, Trigger. 557 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:05,197 (MUSIC: MOZART'S SYMPHONY IN D MAJOR) 558 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,116 So what are you doing here, Trig? 559 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,874 Del said he'd give me a lift to the pub. 560 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,360 Right. 561 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,717 But you live closer to the pub than us. 562 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,600 I know. 563 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,716 In fact, you have to walk past the pub to get to this flat. 564 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,553 Yeah, but Del said he'd give me a Lift. 565 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:39,233 Right. 566 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,395 You put a bit of music on, Dave. 567 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:02,357 Yes. Mozart's Symphony Number 38 in D Major. 568 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,114 I find it helps me unwind, you know? 569 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,999 Eases my executive stress. 570 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,714 Ain't there no words to this, Dave? 571 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,959 No, there's no words, Trig, no. Sort of instrumental. 572 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:26,311 Raquel, I'm giving you two minutes or I'm going on me own! 573 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,153 Cor dear. 574 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,231 What's this? 575 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:33,950 It's Mozart's Symphony Number 38 in D Major. 576 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,311 It's the karaoke version. 577 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,871 (PHONE RINGS) 578 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,396 Cassandra, answer that phone, please. 579 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,996 Yes, sir. I'll organise your bloody appointment book too! 580 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,118 Trotter's Independent Traders. May I help you? 581 00:36:56,280 --> 00:37:00,160 - That is one moody mare, innit? — Can you blame her? 582 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,995 You treat her like a secretary and you've seen her drawers! 583 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,471 The only reason that I like Cassandra to answer the phone 584 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,551 is "cause she's got a nice voice. 585 00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:12,030 Anyway, if you two weren't so proud, 586 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,033 you could be living in her mum and dad's house. 587 00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:18,710 We've been through this before. We're happy here. 588 00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:23,475 well, we're here, anyway. I'm running the firm now. 589 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:27,031 Cassandra's applied for her old job, so eventually... 590 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,756 Eventually, we might be able to get our own place. 591 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:34,470 I don't know who it is. Sounds foreign. He wants the boss. 592 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,235 — All right. — Oi! Excuse me. I'm the boss. 593 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,550 Sorry. I keep forgetting. 594 00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:43,838 I knew it was lonely at the top, but not this quick! 595 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,355 I'll get you a beer, Trig. 596 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,519 Trotter's Independent Traders. Can I help you? 597 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:53,639 (ASIAN ACCENT) I am wishing to speak to Managing Director. 598 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:58,192 Yes, this is he. Rodney Trotter. I'm the managing director. 599 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,433 I am representative of Sultan of Brunei. 600 00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:06,394 Wow! You'll never guess who's on... 601 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,196 You'll never guess who's on the phone. 602 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,874 - The Sultan of Brunei. - Yeah, right. 603 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,237 My name is Asif Hassan. 604 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,835 It's very nice to speak with you, sir. 605 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:19,911 There. Who are you talking to? 606 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:23,675 — The Sultan of Brunei. — Oh, yeah, right. Come on, you. 607 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,990 How may I be of assistance, sir? 608 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,800 You have advertisement in newspaper 609 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,520 and his Highness would like to talk with you. 610 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,069 — Del, he's seen my advert. - Yeah? 611 00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:37,756 The Sultan of Brunei reads the Peckham Echo, does he? 612 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:39,559 What a Moby! 613 00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:46,358 If you get another brush, I'lL do the other hand. 614 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,158 Go away. 615 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,710 His Highness would like you to fly to Brunei 616 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,837 and be his consultant. 617 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,399 No problem. 618 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,916 And what would he like to consult with me about? 619 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:04,074 Recently, his Highness bought a crappy old three—wheeled van... 620 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,791 ..and he wants to know how to start it on cold mornings! 621 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,511 I had you going there, didn't 1? 622 00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,790 I knew it was you all along. I was just winding you up. 623 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,310 Oh, shove it, will you? Just shove it. 624 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,873 When the going gets tough, the tough get going. 625 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:30,997 — What's happened? — Dave's had a row 626 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,037 with the Sultan of Brunei. 627 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,319 Yeah, right. 628 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,230 - To the future. - Yeah. The future. 629 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,391 Cass, I'd like us to try for a baby. 630 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:08,116 Rodney, some restaurants don't like that sort of thing. 631 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:13,279 I didn't mean in here on the ta... In the future. 632 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:14,919 Soon. 633 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,198 We weren't very successful at it last time, were we? 634 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,876 It'll be different next time. I know about these things. 635 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:26,432 And what about...? You know, the way things are. 636 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,790 I'm glad you brought that up. 637 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,270 Recently, I bought this magazine. 638 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,556 I hate it when you buy those magazines. 639 00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,831 Not that sort of magazine. 640 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,718 You end up making comparisons. 641 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:45,273 No. It is a man's magazine, but not that sort. It's serious. 642 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:49,195 A fella writes in there who's an expert on marital problems. 643 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,955 He's developed this psychological healing process. 644 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,919 I'd like us to try it, Cass. You never know, do you? 645 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,596 — So who is he? — He's American. West Coast. 646 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:05,754 He reckons that most couples' troubles stem from bygone days. 647 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:09,595 - Things in the past. - Like your childish behaviour? 648 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,194 Yeah, that... 649 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:16,960 That sort of thing, yeah. He calls that "memory baggage". 650 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,033 And how do we unload this memory baggage? 651 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,191 We become different people. 652 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,351 — Different people? - Yeah. 653 00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,114 We don't have to go to a plastic surgeon. 654 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,510 It's simply "remembering to forget". 655 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,719 To forget who you were and become reborn. 656 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,394 His clinic's called Fantasy Therapy. 657 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,632 Wait a minute. Does this involve dressing up? 658 00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:41,837 Of course not! 659 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:46,790 It's based on a theory known as "iconoclastic auto—suggestion". 660 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,314 Sorry? 661 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:52,392 It's "the subconscious rejecting reality"... 662 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,512 and something else. 663 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,753 Basically, each person writes down their fantasy figure 664 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:03,515 and then the other person, for a while, becomes that figure. 665 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:06,593 — And there's no dressing up? — Absolutely not. 666 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,559 It's all up here. See, we suspend reality 667 00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:13,031 and then we create our own little make-believe world. 668 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:18,479 What do you think, Cass? Are you willing to give it a try? 669 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,233 AlL right. 670 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:24,434 Yeah? 671 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:28,514 Well, that's good. That's very healthy. 672 00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,877 — It does involve dressing up. - Yes. 673 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,395 OK. Let's go for it. 674 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:39,879 Cosmic! 675 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:42,838 There's a pen. 676 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:48,797 You write down yours, OK? And I'll write down mine. 677 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:08,838 - I never watch The Bill — I've got it on tape...probably. 678 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:13,799 Your turn. 679 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,271 - I didn't know you fancied him. — Oh, yeah! 680 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:24,319 A little bit. 681 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:27,313 Bloody hell, Cass. How am I supposed to be him? 682 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,349 I don't know and I don't care. 683 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:34,798 To hell with putting clothes on, let's go home and take some off. 684 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,674 Yeah. Yeah, right. Bill, please. 685 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,352 Hurry it up. 686 00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,557 - I thought you'd be in bed. — We're just going. Goodnight. 687 00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:04,872 Goodnight. Never guess who phoned for you earlier. 688 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:06,439 Richard Branston. 689 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,320 Really? 690 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,598 Of course not. I'm gonna kill that Mickey Pearce. 691 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:15,435 — Oh, well. See you, then. — See you. 692 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,831 - I couldn't sleep. - No? Oh, well, "night. 693 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,913 Night—night. I was lying in bed there, 694 00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,038 thinking about all the family. 695 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,318 You know, about Mum and Uncle Albert. 696 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,710 Yeah. Well... "Night, then. 697 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,072 Look at that old bed. 698 00:44:44,240 --> 00:44:47,870 If that bed could speak it could tell some tales. 699 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:52,479 Yeah. Old Granddad had his first fit in that bed. 700 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,197 Then there was Uncle Albert. 701 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:02,069 Uncle Albert slept in that for years. Do you remember him? 702 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:04,675 Snoring, tossing and turning... 703 00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,638 scratching his old beard. 704 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,471 A lot of history in that bed. 705 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:14,517 Yeah. Anyway, goodnight. 706 00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:20,198 Try and imagine what it's like. 707 00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,557 We're lying in bed and all we can hear is you watching telly. 708 00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:25,631 It's not just you. 709 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:29,270 It's Raquel and Damien and all his friends, and Trigger, 710 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:33,320 and anyone else who comes round any time of the day or night. 711 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,471 The flat's overcrowded, Del. 712 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,075 The flat's always been overcrowded. 713 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:43,033 The council said it was designed to be overcrowded. 714 00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:45,957 Cassie and I can't help thinking 715 00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,397 that if we can hear you, you can hear us. 716 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,111 Never hear a sound from your room. 717 00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:55,439 Exactly! 718 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:59,719 While we're at it, this ain't gonna solve anything. 719 00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:03,953 I know, I know. I just get so wound up sometimes, I just... 720 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,599 It's water. 721 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,400 I know that. You should have a proper drink. 722 00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:16,794 Years ago, I may have given in to that temptation, but not now. 723 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,590 I'm a different bloke now. Much stronger. I've got more... 724 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:25,550 — Go on, a small one. - You know it makes sense. 725 00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:28,712 Oi, darling. A couple of scotches, please. 726 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,830 So how can I help? 727 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,150 Go out! All of you. 728 00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,994 Just leave me and Cass on our own for once. 729 00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,390 Rodney, this must be your lucky day. 730 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,519 I wasn't gonna say nothing yet, it's a bit of a secret... 731 00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:51,309 but I'm taking Damien and Raquel out next Thursday. 732 00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,518 Really? 733 00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:56,519 You'll have the whole evening to yourselves. 734 00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,110 Cheers, Del. You are a diamond. 735 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,712 — At least give us a clue. - I'll say that this is a night 736 00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:09,794 that you will never forget. I'm not saying anything more. 737 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,271 Just sit back in comfort and enjoy the evening. 738 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,829 Oh, yeah. What did Monkey Harris say? 739 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,879 — How do you mean? - What do you mean? 740 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,350 I asked you to phone Monkey and say yes. 741 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:26,549 I forgot, Del. Sorry. What with getting ready. Was it important? 742 00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:30,873 Was it important? Hang on, driver. 'Course it was important. 743 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,715 He's had a consignment of electronic personal organisers 744 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:36,871 and they're selling like crazy. 745 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,670 He's got another 200 and I want my name on them before tomorrow 746 00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:42,831 or they'll all be gone. 747 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,799 Raquel, you've really let me down on this one. 748 00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:53,759 You dis you man, woman. You can't do simple ting. 749 00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:55,799 Shut up. 750 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,793 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYS) 751 00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:08,754 Oh, Gawd. 752 00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,074 Monkey? Listen, I've got to hang up. 753 00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:45,112 We're being raided. 754 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,320 AlL right? 755 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:13,557 — Oh, my God! — Oh, God, it's you, Cassandra! 756 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:16,439 I thought you was a real policewoman. 757 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,955 You nearly gave me a connery! 758 00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,760 - You said you was going out. - I went out. 759 00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,070 - What are you doing? - I've come back. 760 00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:29,350 — Why are you dressed like that? — Like what? 761 00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:33,998 Like a couple of wallies. 762 00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:40,718 What, like this? Oh, don't be naive, Derek. 763 00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:44,032 - Can you believe him? — Isn't it obvious? 764 00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:46,476 It may be to some people, darling, 765 00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,314 but I'm not from the Planet Dippy. 766 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:54,035 Derek, Cassandra and I are simply... 767 00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,111 Going to a fancy dress party. 768 00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,716 Oh, I see. Right. Who are you supposed to be? 769 00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:02,315 — That one from The BilL — Reg Hollis? 770 00:51:04,720 --> 00:51:07,030 — What's her name? - I don't know. 771 00:51:07,720 --> 00:51:12,237 Well, whoever you're supposed to be, darling, you look very nice. 772 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:16,109 A little bit scary, but very nice. 773 00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:18,639 And um... 774 00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:26,272 And, Rodders, what about you? 775 00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,478 — What about me? - Who are you supposed to be? 776 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,798 Russell Crowe. 777 00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:37,200 Pardon? 778 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,798 Russell Crowe. 779 00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:43,951 Russell Crowe. 780 00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,680 You look more like Spartacus with piles. 781 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:51,760 Look, it's a simple fancy dress party, that's all 782 00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:55,311 Bit early for a fancy dress party, innit? Half past five. 783 00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:59,360 Yeah. It is a bit early. That's 'cause um... 784 00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,431 It's an early fancy dress party. 785 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:04,319 My ex—boss at the bank invited us. 786 00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:08,360 He can't have late parties. People have to be up for work. 787 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:09,954 oh, right. 788 00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,111 Bit of a choker, innit, bruv? 789 00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,669 You were hoping for fun and games. 790 00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:18,558 - Never mind. — Bad luck, bruv. 791 00:52:20,720 --> 00:52:22,040 Go on, then. 792 00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,680 — Go on, then, what? — Off you go. I'l lock up. 793 00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,310 No, no. It's all right. We're in no hurry. 794 00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:33,278 Oh, come on, Rodney. 795 00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,990 Look, Cassandra wants her old job back at the bank. 796 00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:40,755 How will it look if she turns up late for her boss's party? 797 00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:42,911 That won't go down very well. 798 00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,435 You've got to make a big impression. 799 00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:47,352 You can borrow the old Capri. 800 00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:51,038 — Right. - Thanks, Del. 801 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:55,080 No, no, you're family. Go on, go off and have some fun. 802 00:53:06,720 --> 00:53:09,599 Just a second, Rodney. Here you are. 803 00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:12,271 Don't want you to get rusty. 804 00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:22,074 Come on, Monkey. I've got to be away by six. Hurry up! 805 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,551 What in God's name are we going to do? 806 00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:29,711 I mean, people might see us. 807 00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:33,111 There's nothing strange in a policewoman on the estate. 808 00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:36,238 What about me? I look like Ben Hur in a mac! 809 00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,791 - I'll say I've arrested you. — For what? 810 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,520 There must be a law against dressing like that! 811 00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:44,640 (BELL) 812 00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:46,632 Oh, no. 813 00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:51,875 Hurry up, Dad. The driver's got another job to go to. 814 00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:54,959 Pervert. 815 00:54:03,720 --> 00:54:05,040 oh! 816 00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:08,716 You two are still here. Thank Gawd. I thought you'd gone. 817 00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:12,874 I know you want to go out, but I just remembered something. 818 00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,270 I don't want to spoil your fun, 819 00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:18,637 but I was wondering, would you mind if you didn't go? 820 00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:21,155 - No trouble at all - Anything for you, Del. 821 00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:23,231 oh, right. Good. 822 00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:28,031 Listen, Rodney, I'm expecting a very, very important phone call 823 00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:32,114 I want you to answer it. You're not going out, are you? 824 00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:36,069 Absolutely not. we'll go to the bank's next party, won't we? 825 00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:41,076 Good for you. You're 42 carat! I'll be back about midnight. 826 00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:45,074 Oh, and...Russell Crowe, yes! 827 00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:48,472 More like Daffy Duck! 828 00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:02,431 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 829 00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:12,234 Welcome to another edition of the quiz show 830 00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,471 taking the country by storm. 831 00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:18,349 Not here, but we're big in Bosnia and massive in Macedonia. 832 00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:25,038 You can win anything from £1to £100,000. 833 00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:28,909 This is the fastest game show, this is Thursday, this is live, 834 00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:31,754 this is Jonathan Ross and this is Goldrush. 835 00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:37,274 — Oh, Rodney. — Oh, Cass. 836 00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:42,753 So let's start by meeting our three lucky contestants. 837 00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:45,389 First is Mike Wallis from Merseyside. 838 00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:48,757 Mike is a financial advisor, married with two horses, 839 00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:52,959 and his pastimes include golf, real ale and dressage. 840 00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:56,158 I've seen dressage. It's like rodeo on Prozac. 841 00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,559 That's Mike walls! 842 00:55:58,720 --> 00:56:00,836 (CHEERING) 843 00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,913 Next we have Janice Scott from Newquay. 844 00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:08,278 Janice is married to lan, with a three—year—old daughter, Meryl 845 00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,239 Her hobbies are rock—climbing and opera. 846 00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:14,392 Wow. And she's only three. That's impressive. 847 00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:16,358 Come on, this is class! 848 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,835 Finally, Derek Trotter from Peckham. 849 00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:24,074 Derek is a businessman 850 00:56:24,240 --> 00:56:26,959 who lives with Raquel, his significant other. 851 00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:31,950 He has an eleven—year—old son, Damien, 852 00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:35,238 and his pastimes include fine wines, the theatre, 853 00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:38,358 and 16th—century Italian Renaissance art. 854 00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:42,477 They're our contestants! 855 00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:47,355 (INAUDIBLE) 856 00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:51,436 As always, we start with the timed round. 857 00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:54,558 Let's see who's got the fastest finger. 858 00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:57,553 (CASSANDRA) Oooh, Rodney! 859 00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:04,116 Whose diary recorded the Plague and the Great Fire of London? 860 00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:06,351 (BUZZER) Mrs Dale's. 861 00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:12,679 Nice try, Del, but I'm afraid that's not right. 862 00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,150 You're frozen at the back of the queue. 863 00:57:15,320 --> 00:57:19,109 — Janice? — Is it Bridget jones, jonathan? 864 00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:23,912 Again, so close, Janice, but so very far. 865 00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,310 You go to the back. Del, you move up. 866 00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:29,836 Mike, get this right and you're first on the Rainbow Road. 867 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:31,752 What's at the end of the rainbow? 868 00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:33,831 A pot of gold! 869 00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:41,032 I think I know it, Jonathan. It's Adrian Mole. 870 00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:45,717 Oh, bad luck, Mike. 871 00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:48,349 It was Samuel Pepys. You go to the back now, 872 00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:50,636 everyone else moves forward one, 873 00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:54,236 which means Derek is the first on the Rainbow Road. 874 00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:55,834 Del, come and join me. 875 00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:04,873 First things first, Del. Here's your pound. 876 00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:07,919 That's yours, and welcome to the BBC! 877 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:11,271 Just make sure it ain't Irish. 878 00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:15,000 The rules are simple, which is just as well 879 00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:17,037 You'll get a series of questions, 880 00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,079 each having three possible answers. 881 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:24,234 Each correct answer moves you to another colour of the rainbow 882 00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:28,314 and the prize money increases, right up to the gold question, 883 00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:31,552 which is worth £100,000. 884 00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:33,679 Lovely jubbly! 885 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:37,754 You also have a number of options to help you on your way. 886 00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:41,276 You have a Shot in the Dark, you have an SOS, 887 00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:43,033 or you can Drop One. 888 00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:48,230 This is class! Where do we get them? 889 00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,518 But Janice and Mike can play their Aces at any time 890 00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,512 and challenge you. 891 00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,957 So, if you're ready, let's play Goldrush! 892 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:08,991 You have 20 seconds. Which is the highest mountain in Africa? 893 00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:11,071 Kilimanjaro or Fuji? 894 00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,754 It's Kilimanjaro. Any idiot knows that. 895 00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:15,593 well, I didn't. 896 00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:20,873 Anybody coming back from Ibiza with a duty—free brain cell 897 00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,031 knows it's Kilimanjaro. 898 00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,589 But this is Derek Trotter. 899 00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:28,157 I'm going to go with... 900 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,599 Kilimanjaro. 901 00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:32,717 Derek, that's the right answer! 902 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:42,311 I thought it was because Fuji make cameras, don't they? 903 00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,757 Well done. Now, let's move up to the next colour 904 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,639 and take a look at the £2,000 question. 905 00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:53,790 Del, you're doing really well Janice challenged you wrongly. 906 00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:57,271 She has doubled your money to £10,000. 907 01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:05,673 The next question, the green question, is worth £25,000. 908 01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,958 You've still got your Shot in the Dark and SOS. 909 01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:10,838 Let's look at the question. 910 01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,196 In which state was President Kennedy 911 01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,749 when he was assassinated in 1963? 912 01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,673 Well, he was in a terrible state. He died. 913 01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:26,630 You were a bit quick there. Let me give you the answers. 914 01:00:26,800 --> 01:00:30,509 Was it Texas, was it Florida, or was it California? 915 01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:36,158 Sorry, Jonathan, no. 916 01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,358 I'm gonna have to use the Shot in the Dark on this. 917 01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:40,840 OK. 918 01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,276 I'll go for um... 919 01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:46,039 Florida. 920 01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:49,598 (TRIGGER) No. 921 01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:52,115 I'm afraid Florida is wrong. 922 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,432 It was Texas. But you played your Shot in the Dark, 923 01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:58,831 which means you lose the money and you're frozen. 924 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:00,798 Here's the penalty question. 925 01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:05,272 How many wheels does a Reliant Robin have? 926 01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:14,433 This question is worth £50,000. 927 01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:17,069 If Derek is correct, these lights turn gold 928 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:19,675 and he'll be answering the £100,000 question. 929 01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:22,309 For £50,000, here it is. 930 01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:25,836 Which classical guitarist wrote the opera, 931 01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:31,200 The child and the Enchantment? Ravel, Segovia, or Rodrigo? 932 01:01:32,560 --> 01:01:34,517 I think I know this one. 933 01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:37,438 I think it's... 934 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,398 Ravel... 935 01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:44,230 Or, I keep thinking, it could be... 936 01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:47,840 Could it be Segovia? 937 01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,153 Then again, it might be... 938 01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:54,240 Rodrigo? 939 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,960 well, it's definitely one of those three. 940 01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:02,880 In that case, Jonathan, I'lL have to use me old SOS. 941 01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:05,680 Who would you like to be your saviour tonight? 942 01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:09,071 — My brother Rodney. — And where is Rodney now? 943 01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:12,790 He's at home, taking care of a bit of business. 944 01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,349 (ECSTATIC MOANING) 945 01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:17,318 (PHONE RINGS) 946 01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:19,039 (RODNEY) No! No! 947 01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:22,113 (CASSANDRA) Del said he was expecting an important call. 948 01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:24,191 (RODNEY) Oh, bloody hell! 949 01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:32,234 - Hello! - Hello. Is that Rodney? 950 01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:33,720 Yes. 951 01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,315 This is Jonathan Ross from Goldrush. 952 01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:38,994 Piss off, Mickey! You're getting on my tits! 953 01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:50,035 Mickey pretending to be jonathan Ross. 954 01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:52,077 Rodney, we need your help. 955 01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:54,512 Roddy. 956 01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,791 It IS Jonathan Ross. 957 01:02:59,560 --> 01:03:01,471 Oh, my God. 958 01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:05,313 Hi, Jonathan. How are you? 959 01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:08,393 I'm just fine, thanks. I've got Derek here. 960 01:03:08,560 --> 01:03:12,190 — He's on £25,000. - You're kidding? 961 01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:16,752 I'm serious. He's got a problem with the £50,000 question 962 01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,116 and he's chosen you as his saviour. 963 01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:21,999 Listen carefully. You get 20 seconds to answer. 964 01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:23,878 Listen, Rodney... 965 01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:26,350 Hold on. What's in this for me? 966 01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:29,869 I'll make sure you get a drink. 967 01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:36,434 Which classical guitarist wrote the opera, 968 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:39,194 The child and the Enchantment? 969 01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:42,193 Was it Ravel, 970 01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:44,874 Segovia or Rodrigo? 971 01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:47,400 Ravel 972 01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:50,996 — How sure are you? — One hundred per cent, Derek. 973 01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:52,514 Good boy. 974 01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:55,998 Take it away, Del! 975 01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:58,071 I know my classics. 976 01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:02,753 Yeah. I'll go with that. It's Ravel, Jonathan. 977 01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,639 You don't have to take his answer, you know. 978 01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:09,395 I know, but he knows what he's talking about. It's Ravel. 979 01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:11,756 - You can change your mind. - No. 980 01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:13,240 Derek... 981 01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,396 that was the wrong answer. 982 01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:24,551 It was Segovia. 983 01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:29,635 No, no. Rodney said it was Ravel. 984 01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:32,474 I know he did, but he was wrong. Bad luck, Del 985 01:04:32,640 --> 01:04:34,711 He's got two GCEs! 986 01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,514 Derek, you've used up all your options. 987 01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:43,674 You've lost all your money. You're frozen out of the game. 988 01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,309 Janice, join me on the Rainbow Road. 989 01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:02,272 I was certain. 990 01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:06,671 — I was so certain it was Ravel - You did your best. 991 01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:10,595 Yeah. Yeah, I did, and Del was OK, wasn't he? 992 01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:13,957 Yeah. Till he kicked the podium over. 993 01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:16,589 No, no. I think that was just an accident. 994 01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:21,152 No. He kicked it, it fell over. Jonathan Ross had to pick it up. 995 01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,118 (DOOR SLAMS) 996 01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:31,191 — All right? - Yeah. You? 997 01:05:32,360 --> 01:05:34,749 — Where's Del? - I haven't a clue, Rodney. 998 01:05:34,920 --> 01:05:37,070 At the end of the show, he disappeared. 999 01:05:37,240 --> 01:05:40,358 He went off and abandoned his child and his wi... 1000 01:05:41,120 --> 01:05:42,793 his significant other... 1001 01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:45,839 in an area of London we've never been in before. 1002 01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,513 Thank Christ. 1003 01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:50,593 Thankfully, the studio paid for a cab home. 1004 01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:53,989 - I'm gonna make a coffee. — Raquel... 1005 01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:56,436 Don't. We're friends. 1006 01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:01,591 I don't know why my dad didn't use Trigger as his SOS. 1007 01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:03,592 Trigger wouldn't have a clue! 1008 01:06:03,760 --> 01:06:05,637 And he was spot on, weren't he? 1009 01:06:08,960 --> 01:06:10,997 (DOOR SLAMS) 1010 01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:16,631 What the hell happened to you? 1011 01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,358 I went out. 1012 01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:22,239 Oh, good. Long as I know. 1013 01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:31,119 AlL right? 1014 01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:33,920 How's your evening been, Rodney? 1015 01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:37,110 Not very good, to be honest. 1016 01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:41,319 No? Well, bloody snap! You Moby. 1017 01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:45,351 I'm sorry. I could have sworn it was Ravel 1018 01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:47,636 — So could Cassandra. - Yes, I could. 1019 01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:50,235 You're both a pair of dipsticks, then! 1020 01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:54,439 You... You're never going to borrow my Capri ever again. 1021 01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:56,716 Well, that bone marrow, forget it. 1022 01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:05,915 I mean to say, I mean everyone knows that Ravel makes shoes. 1023 01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,833 — what? — Shoes? 1024 01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:15,550 Shoes. It was a trick question and you fell for it. 1025 01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:17,393 oh, right. 1026 01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:19,392 Yes. Sorry. 1027 01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:22,715 Still, at least you won a pound. 1028 01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:26,077 That wasn't even enough for a bus fare home! 1029 01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:31,519 Anyway, I went to a club after the show to drown my sorrows. 1030 01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:33,557 I was in this club 1031 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:36,109 and I was talking to this lap... 1032 01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:40,433 lap...lap...laptop salesman. 1033 01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:45,276 Even he said it wasn't Ravel. Would you like a drink, darling? 1034 01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:47,158 - No. — OK. Fine. 1035 01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:52,030 Look what you've done. You've upset her. You stay here. 1036 01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:58,756 You know, for the rest of my life, 1037 01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:01,992 getting that question wrong in front of my family, 1038 01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:05,710 my friends...well, the entire British nation, 1039 01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:09,430 will be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened. 1040 01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:11,876 — Russell Crowe? - Yeah! 1041 01:08:15,040 --> 01:08:16,713 Or maybe not. 1042 01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:18,871 (PHONE RINGS) 1043 01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:22,634 Hello. 1044 01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:26,711 Yes. Can I ask who's calling, please? 1045 01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:32,151 Del, it's the producer of Goldrush. He wants you. 1046 01:08:32,320 --> 01:08:35,597 What's he want? I bet it's about that podium. 1047 01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:39,515 I bet someone's damaged it. All right. I'll speak to him. 1048 01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:44,396 Hello. Yes. This is Derek Trotter. 1049 01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:46,954 What? 1050 01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:50,439 No? No. 1051 01:08:51,640 --> 01:08:54,996 He says there's been a mistake. It was Ravel 1052 01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:57,515 No? I knew I was right. Yeah. 1053 01:08:57,680 --> 01:09:00,957 He says I can take the £50,000 and go back on the show. 1054 01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:02,952 Yes! 1055 01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:07,915 Oh, have a day off, will ya, you lot! 1056 01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:11,991 Who do you think this is? 1057 01:09:12,160 --> 01:09:14,629 You can hear the jukebox in the pub. 1058 01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:17,235 Bloody Mickey Pearce. I'll murder him. 1059 01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:20,233 No. Get to the back of the queue. Sshh. 1060 01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:23,199 I tell you what we would like you to do. 1061 01:09:23,360 --> 01:09:26,113 Give all the money to charity. 1062 01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:28,920 And if you phone here once again, 1063 01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:32,152 I'm going to come and kick your arse into shredded duck. 1064 01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:33,754 Goodbye. 1065 01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:41,711 Jonathan, he said give the 50 grand to charity. 1066 01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:44,790 Wow, what a nice guy. 1067 01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:50,630 Who do people think we are, eh? 1068 01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:53,110 We're the Trotters, and we're back! 1069 01:09:53,280 --> 01:09:54,918 Yes! 1070 01:09:59,800 --> 01:10:01,632 1071 01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:03,199 1072 01:10:03,360 --> 01:10:06,193 1073 01:10:06,360 --> 01:10:09,159 what's—their-names and at a push 1074 01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:12,233 from a mush in Shepherd's Bush 1075 01:10:12,400 --> 01:10:14,914 Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush 1076 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:17,993 1077 01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:21,232 1078 01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:24,313 1079 01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:28,713 1080 01:10:29,200 --> 01:10:31,953 1081 01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:35,078 1082 01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:37,800 1083 01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:41,237 1084 01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:44,518 1085 01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:47,599 1086 01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:50,514